Useless

Spike the goat kid wants to know why, at the ends of my front legs where the hooves are supposed to be, I have all these useless nipples.

Zucchini

...imagines that anyone who saw me walking Bogie this afternoon wonders why my dog was carrying a zucchini the size of his head.

Freedom

...is certain that 99+% of the people out on the street screeching about "freedom" don't have the vaguest clue what that word means.

Not a nightmare

...woke up from a bad dream. Not a nightmare -- a bad dream: Stupid story, amateurish writing, acting and staging. C'mon, brain, you can do better than that.

Arguing over single payer health care

I have already experienced lack of physician choice, arbitrary denial of coverage, mindless paperwork, clueless service from cud-chewing bureaucrats and rationing of care -- all from several different for-profit managed care companies. I would have to see very hard proof that a government-run health care option would be any worse.

Silence

...loves silence, or at least the persistent hum that passes for silence now.

Michael Jackson's death

MJ was Dorian Gray. He was the world's most adored child star at 25, passe at 35, grotesque at 40, dead at 50. He's a casualty of naivete and fame. Very sad.

To my son

Eh. You have the rest of your life to decide what to do with the rest of your life.

Barcelona

One of my all-time favorite conversations (a colleague's office, 1984):

BOB HEMLEY: "Hey. You know you have a hole in your shirt?"

ME (examining a small hole in my shirt front): "Oh. Yeah. Burned. A dragon did that."

HEMLEY: "A dragon."

ME: "mmmHmmm."

(pause)

HEMLEY: "Where was this?"

ME: "Barcelona."

15 albums that made me what I am

15 records share (one of those infamous time-wasting Facebook memes)
Here's the original instructions:

Think of 15 (ahem, or so) albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of, musically shaped your world. When you finish, tag 15 (or so) others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill. Get the idea now? Good. Tag, you're it!

McCoy Tyner - "Sahara"
Procol Harum - "A Salty Dog"
Mothers of Invention - "Uncle Meat"
Chick Corea - "Now He Sings, Now He Sobs"
Pink Floyd - "Dark Side of the Moon"
Joni Mitchell - "Blue"
Beatles - "Magical Mystery Tour"
Crosby Stills & Nash - "Crosby Stills & Nash"
John McLaughlin - "Extrapolation"
Herbie Hancock - "Maiden Voyage"
Talking Heads - "Fear of Music"
Led Zeppelin - "Houses of the Holy"
Miles Davis - "Bitches Brew"
Alanis Morissette - "Jagged Little Pill"
Cat Stevens - "Tea for the Tillerman"
Capt. Beefheart & His Magic Band - "Trout Mask Replica"

Twizzler haiku

I wrote this in response to something Joey Novick posted:

Morning sun, ahhh joy
Lush red, on my Twizzlers jar.
This I can afford.